Landlords And Tenants

By Marcus Smart

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This is sort of a diatribe about landlords and tenants. I say “sort of” because the place I moved into was owned by one person, managed by a property management company (whose offices were one block away), and maintained by one of the tenants in the main house, a guy who had been there the longest and who is one very manipulative s.o.b.. So in the landlords and tenants categories, this freak would erroneously place himself in the landlords category—though he pays the least of all the renters, commits crimes, and rips off the U.S. and state governments—which we know are us honest folk!

Four years ago, when I went to 844 L.M. to look at the in-law unit adjacent to the butthead’s part of the house, I intentionally, consciously noted the absence of dogs, the absence of crazy, the absence of noise, as I am already sensitive to any invasiveness whatsoever, and as I had been searching for just such a home for almost a year--avoiding apartment complexes, roommates, urban environs...any place or people where it was clear I could not rightfully expect quiet and respect. That is, as a part-time instructor only a year or two out of grad school, I could have benefited from the low rent in the projects, but I would have gone absolutely bonkers, so instead I went to see the empty living quarters and carefully checked for anything that would constitute a landlords and tenants rights rift in the future: i.e., noise, drugs, and/or crime.

I was so relieved to find the in-law cottage was quiet and clean, and the guy in the main house (the one who assigns himself tenants and landlords king) was friendly. The next door neighbors were quiet. They were also friendly. However…
Three months after I moved in, the guy bought a stereo (with what he boasted were concert-level controls!). The bass was so effing invasive it literally shook the whole house and part of the street. When I complained, nicely, he responded in several (passive-aggressive) ways: 1) "Ever heard of earplugs'" 2) "Okay, okay, just this one song, then I'll turn it down." 3) "So what it's 7:30 and I blast commercial radio. Go back to bed, you bitch."

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I finally called the police after this one, which was recently and which was the first time in four years I had to try something other than "Please turn it down." His response: "Pack your shit. You're out of here. I want you out." Cop's response: "He can do what he wants in his own home."

This is what I mean by him thinking this was a typical (legitimate) landlords and tenants arrangement. He had fooled the police, had fooled the real owners and property managers, and had fooled me. He had done drugs, dealt drugs, collected SSI, worked under the table, stolen stuff, and made the most unacceptable noises.

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But as the saying goes, fool me once, etc., I was actually given a gift by his erratic and erroneous thinking, behavior, and final acts. I now have a landlords and tenants situation where I OWN the residence I inhabit and pay rent for a space that is far away from any addicts, fanatics, or freaks. KNOW YOUR LIMITS and KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. Check into landlords and tenants rights in the district or county where you hope to move…BEFORE you move.